I know this post isn’t like the usual tips I write about in my blog. But the thing is no matter who you are or what age you are; there will come a time in your life when you inevitably come face to face with losing someone you love. No matter the time, age or circumstances of these events it will no doubt be difficult, to say the least heart wrenching. I have recently lost someone very close to me. This is not the first time someone I know has passed away however it is by far someone who has been a huge part of my life for as long as I can remember. <RIP to my dear grandma.> I am someone who has high empathy levels but finds it really tough to express it on an outer level. In other words I bottle it all up. Some may say it is a fault or a quality. There are times when I easily get down about sad news or even movies. I don’t why or how, it just happens. Therefore as you can imagine stuff like this totally crushes parts of me inside. It is true that knowing that others are there for you and have gone through and felt very similar things to you can really help to ease the extensive pain you go through during this period and bring you some form of comfort. Different people deal with these situations differently. If you are anything like me and may need to process this on a more inner level and maybe quietly on your own, then you may not have someone to tell you stuff so the below may be of some help to you.
– Time will seem to have stopped at the moment you first hear the news.
– It will feel like a part of you has died or disappeared inside.
– The thought of that person not being in your life anymore feels unreal, unimaginable and you may even try to deny it.
– A simple hug from someone you know who cares about you deeply is comforting beyond words can express.
– You are likely to feel an extremely overwhelming flood of mixed emotions such as sorrow and sadness, which are so heavy that you have never or haven’t felt for so long.
– After awhile you will feel guilt when you start to try to re-live your life.
– Random moments of feeling really sad and teary. This may be bought on by memories or just the thought of them not being here anymore. Or just unexplained moments of sadness.
– The awareness that time will heal some of the pain but it seems so far away and you feel bad for the thought of going back to a “normal” life.
I will share with you some deep feelings I currently have:
The hardest thing is knowing that you are no longer in this world and it’s so hard to accept this reality. I know I will always remember you, what you taught me and the memories I hold so close to my heart but at this current point in time that just doesn’t feel enough. It gives me comfort to know that you are no longer in pain and suffering. I still can’t help but feel the hurt inside myself. I cannot begin to describe the pain properly; the feeling is just a very deep and raw sense of sadness and sorrow that engulfs my heart and mind. I am aware that time will ease it all a bit, but at this moment in time it all feels far too raw.
For me it helps to think of happy memories and the fact that my grandma lived a full and complete life surrounded by people who cared, loved and always will love her. Furthermore that she is no longer suffering or in pain. It is said that when someone dies the hardest part is on those who are left behind. I think this is true, but remember time will heal parts of it. That doesn’t mean the pain, hurt and lost goes away but it becomes bearable. To have that hurt reminds us to treasure what we once had and what we have now. Also remember that they would have wanted you to continue to live on and have a happy life. Deep down I know I will never get over it and that there will be many times during life in the future whereby there will be similar times of this occurrence and the association will trigger these feeling, memories, experiences and sadness will rear its head again and the emotions will flood back. However for now I am trying to process this first.